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Spirit in the Sky灵魂在天空游走

时间:2015-03-26 21:37散文来源:散文在线 散文作者: 寒心点击:
        

Spirit in the Sky
by Linda Casper
  The mourners dispersed from the graveside in groups of twos and threes. They paused to pay their condolences to the family, some shaking hands and others kissing and hugging. I couldn’t hear their words of comfort but imagined that they included such phrases as sadly missed and will be remembered and had a good, long life; all of which were perfectly true. I watched the family make their way along the path and I hoped that there would be no regrets for deeds done or not done, just good memories to reflect upon and their lives to live.
  It was time for me to leave too, I supposed. I wasn’t prepared for this at all. How could I be? Maybe I should be making my way to the Pearly Gates, but I had no sense of direction when I was alive so I had no chance of finding my way now as a spirit, if indeed that is what I am. Is it correct to say “I am” if I am no longer, if I don’t actually exist? I tried to take stock of how I was feeling and realised it was just that what was missing. Feeling. Without my old body there were no aches and pains, nor was I experiencing any anxiety. I didn’t feel hungry, thirsty or tired. Time was irrelevant. Perhaps my spirit would just drift along in this way for eternity.
  I had never believed in the concept of heaven or hell. Nor had I had subscribed to that school of thought that your spirit would enter another form of life, but it gave me something to ponder while I still could. I wouldn’t wish to be reincarnated as a human and go through all those stages before you felt comfortable in your own skin; falling in and out of love, swotting for exams and dealing with teenage children. Neither did I fancy coming back as any form of animal. I just wanted to continue floating aimlessly towards the glow of light up ahead.
  “I think she’s back with us” said a voice I didn’t recognise.
  I wanted to ask where I was and with whom but no words escaped me.
  “You’ve been in an accident and you’re in hospital. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”
  Actually, I couldn’t. I’d been given a taste of freedom and now it would seem I was back to dealing with the struggles of everyday life. Would that seem ungrateful to the hospital staff?

   灵魂天空游走
  琳达•卡斯帕
  
  哀悼者三三两两地站在墓地两侧。他们停下向我的家人表达慰问,有的握手,有的拥抱和亲吻。我听不见他们安慰的话语,但是可以想象肯定是包含了节哀和纪念,以及希望活着的人保重身体之类的;所有这一切完全是真实的。我注视着我的家人在人群中往前走,我希望他们对自己的所作所为都没有遗憾,不管是过去还是将来,只留下美好记忆去回味,并且好好生活下去。
  我想也是我离开的时候了。我一点都没准备好。我能怎么做?也许我应该前往天国之门,但是我活着时就失去了方向感,所以如今我的灵魂也迷路了,如果那确实是我。如果我已经不在了,还说“我是”正确吗?如果我真的不存在呢?我努力去考虑我的感觉和意识,就好像